Let’s break it down, shall we?

Why “Confessions of a Unicorn?” The simple definition from www.thefreedictionary.com defines a unicorn as: “a creature of the imagination; a person that exists only in legends or myths or fiction.” Sometimes I feel like a person who only exists in my own mind. Or at least in my own condo. And yet, there is nothing extraordinary about me; nothing that would make someone do a double take. Somehow, though, I feel as if I exist in a vacuum. Let’s break it down, shall we?

Black woman

In her forties (never you mind how far)

Never married (okay, not so mythical – it’s not just me)

No kids (bingo!)

Not overweight

Works out daily

Abhors Tyler Perry movies


Not going to cook you a pot of greens

Has eaten a brulee

Does not start sentences with “Girrllll.”

Does not rotate head and roll eyes when speaking

Does not match my entire outfit  (you’ve see the ladies wearing turquoise from head to toe)

When was the last time you saw a person like me in the media? Someone who is complex and flawed and not a stereotype. According to the media, I should either be in a unitard, singing and dancing in a video with a weave (that’s another one – no weave), or a very light skinned girl (I have dark skin, a no-no) or lastly,  jolly and obese. Wait, I get it! What is missing in the media portrait of black women is ordinariness. Where are the ordinary black women? I can’t believe not having five inch acrylic nails with rimestones on them, having an office job, drinking pinot grigio and not exclaiming, “Thank you, Jesus!” when given good news makes me ordinary. I’d like to think Martin Luther King marched not only for black folks to be treated with respect at lunch counters (or being able to grab a latte without being sprayed with a hose), but also the right to be normal. I think my very normalness is what makes me a mythical creature. That’s why I am a unicorn (and millions of others – yes I know). Like the elusive Bigfoot, I imagine a Black Woman Unicorn sighting might cause disbelief and confusion. “Oh my God, that black woman is making a salad at the salad bar in Whole Foods!” Or “Oh my God, that black woman said she is going to Paris and not on a bible cruise.”

Btw, I get that I’m stereotyping black folks by pointing out all the ways I’m not stereotypical. But I think the reason stereotypes exists is because at the heart of them, there are kernels of truth popping like mad. So while, of course, blacks are not a monolithic people, maybe some of the black ladies should broaden their horizons and just give the hummus a try. Also, stop listening to men who say they like their women “thick” and go for a light jog a few times a week. Not enough to mess up your hair mind you. I’m not saying you need to go swimming, just do something that will keep you fit. Cuz girrill, trust and believe that I ain’t about getting my hair wet. I mean when was the last time you heard of a swimming unicorn?

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One Response to Let’s break it down, shall we?

  1. Kris says:

    OMG! It is so funny that while I was reading this there is Popeye’s commercial playing in the background. Her hand is on her hip, her head is bobbing and “you know what I’m talkin bout.” I don’t think she is marketing to unicorns, but it does make me wonder if unicorns like popcorn chicken or maybe a 2 piece with a good biscuit with their greens.

    Nice job!

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